Roses are red, Roses are flowers
Oh NO! The dreaded "L word." Lesbian? No my friends, LOVE. Why would someone like me write about love? Some gay shit like this? (gay as in happy to all those would-be pointers of fingers.) Well it's a human issue, and as all human issues go I feel the need to find clarity with it through a reasonable interpretation. So I'm going to talk about this "Love."
"Yeah dude, love. I said it and I'm here to represent it."
(The heart sings about a magic man)
So you met some girl, got a bit too excited because you felt it was "love," and you know what's funny? You didn't fall in love. No. Something that beautiful must come later. You fell into something called "Romance." This period of time is very much like the beginnings of 9 circles of hell, but getting through them all won't necessarily transport you to the higher existence you desire as Dante implied in "The Divine Comedy." Sound morbid or demented? Don't like the analogy? Well you might just see how much they actually relate. Still offended? Well I'm writing this anyway because fuck you (Just keedinggg).
Circle 1: Limbo
Circle 2: Lust
Circle 3: Gluttony
Circle 4: Avarice and Prodigality
Circle 5: Wrath, Sullenness
Circle 6: Heresy
Circle 7: Violence, Murder, Suicide, Blasphemy, Sodomy, Usury
Circle 8: Fraud, Pimping, Seducing, Flattery, Simony, Sorcery, Political Corruption, Hypocrissy, Theft, Fraudulent Rhetoric, Divisiveness and Falsification
Circle 9: Treachery
For this case, we'll call them the "9 Circles of Bullshit"--the stages one may need to go through, all in the name of love.
Romance in the air
Now think about that first smitten encounter. What can potentially happen after the brief limbo of euphoria you feel with this person? You may lust for the feeling afterward, become gluttonous and often eat out together (dating). Avarice doesn't exactly apply, unless you're looking for a sugar mama/daddy, but prodigality certainly does.
Circle 4: Aww, you are the sweetest poser
Prodigality for those who don't want to look it up means: "extravagant wastefulness, profuse generosity, and lavish abundance." Basically putting up a facade during the romance era. Typically people do not give so much, nor are they anywhere near as nice for the rest of the relationship.
Romance transition to togetherness--change that Facebook status
(Shit just got real.)
Circle 5: It was just pillow talk baby
Wrath has the possibility to occur when the music of romance is over. "WHY HASN'T HE TEXTED ME IN A WEEK?!" Enter crazy girl rummaging through social media with the possibility of thrashing man's car in the event of discovering he has another date. Complimentary to this is Sullenness; it's basically the gloomy feeling you get while watching that "Voice of the Child" commercial with that old Kris Kringle looking guy talking to the viewer about the worlds' impoverished children--It's upsetting to accept, but this shit is happening. Another person, another disappointment.
Wrath has the possibility to occur when the music of romance is over. "WHY HASN'T HE TEXTED ME IN A WEEK?!" Enter crazy girl rummaging through social media with the possibility of thrashing man's car in the event of discovering he has another date. Complimentary to this is Sullenness; it's basically the gloomy feeling you get while watching that "Voice of the Child" commercial with that old Kris Kringle looking guy talking to the viewer about the worlds' impoverished children--It's upsetting to accept, but this shit is happening. Another person, another disappointment.
Circle 6: What do you mean I can't have sex with my friends anymore?
Heresy can definitely happen. Definition: "Opinion profoundly at odds with what is generally accepted." If your significant other has beliefs about what a relationship is, and you cannot come to a balance with them. Guess who's going to the dog house? Make sure rules are established, and if you can't get something you REALLY want then let the importance be known and compromise.
Congratulations! You've made it to a long term relationship with the possibilities of love, marriage, and madness!
Circle 7: Call the "Amberlamps"
Violence, Murder, Suicide, Blasphemy, Sodomy, and Usary. Blasphemy in this interpretation is damning something sacred, like your life with the other person. Basically you're being a negative dick. Sodomy, well I guess a little sodomy is okay if you're into that sort of thing. Usary--well let's just say you're a huge idiot if you take out massive irresponsible loans. The rest of the list however, is destructive and are definitely the most extreme in terms of the "9 circles of bullshit." If you somehow see this circle of bullshit coming do yourself a huge favor--make like a child support check request and disappear. Only batshit crazy people or people on the lowest end of an IQ test will commit acts like these. Shop smart people, shop S-Mart.
Circle 8: Liar liar plants for hire
Pimping, Seducing, Flattery, Fraud, Simony, Sorcery, Political Corruption, Hypocrissy, Theft, Fraudulent Rhetoric, Divisiveness and Falsification. Ahh a list fit for a pathological liar--I won't go into much detail since these are self explanatory so i'll pick on pimping and seducing.
Pimping? What the hell are you even doing with a pimp? Get that ho train out of here. In all seriousness--pimping in this case means exploitation.
Seducing? Can be nice if it's not happening to someone that isn't of course you.
If it's to obtain material things from you--then my friend, I play the smallest violin in the world for you.
The rest of this list is based on a foundation of lying and taking credit for things you honestly shouldn't be taking credit for. Spinning the truth for your own gain, running away when a problem arises. Simony is an interesting one though. Its' meaning? "Making profit from sacred things"--and is marriage not sacred? Marrying for money is the qualifier for this one.
(I want Prince Ali, fuck that broke ass Aladdin and his stupid monkey.)
Circle 9: Soft wild promises
Treachery. The ugliest circle on this list. The breaking of trust is the most crippling thing that can occur in a relationship. A long term affair? A sincere promise suddenly broken? The snake in the relationship will feed you slow working venom that instills a slight paranoia. "Something is not right about this." And upon discovery of whatever treachury was lurking--the snakes' work is complete, the trust is broken. You're only left with the road to recovery and hopefully you can somehow detoxify yourself. This final circle may occur at any time, just hope that this happens sooner than later.
(I'm a snaaaake, I'm a slithery snake)
One day my prince will come?
(Oh did I wake you? Let's get hitched.)
Life isn't like the Notebook, Titanic, Twilight, Disney films, reality TV show couples, no, no, NO. What all of this media doesn't show you is all of the filler. The "low entertainment value" stuff. In general we see all of the exciting leaps of faith for the mystery of Love--Romance, but we don't see the Love. We don't see the comfortable silences, the grocery store escapades, the late night cuddling ritual, the amount of preparation it took for a cooked meal, nor do we see simple traditions like pizza night every Thursday. Love is being totally comfortable, Romance is the excitement for Love. It doesn't take a genius to figure out which of the two is capable of lasting an entire lifetime--although Romance is likely to occur throughout any loving relationship on frequent or infrequent occasions.
One way or another you will come across one of the 9 Circles of Bullshit with your loved one, and if it's one of the major ones that cannot be repaired you need decide if the other person is actually worth it. However, if it's minor then you need to work with your partner to handle it together. Especially if there's something truly fantastic about your relationship. Rome wasn't built in a day, and something as beautifully painful as it is wonderful cannot be built in a day either. If you ever find something real--hold onto it because chances are you won't find it again.
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