Here Comes A Regular; Good Times At The Bottom Of Your Glass

DISCLAIMER: I am actually heavily intoxicated while writing this. It's going to likely take a dozen proof reads or so, but I hope it's worth it.

(8:35 PM: Fuck.)

I'll have another--and don't forget my orange, bitch

Another Bottle Down

(10:07 PM:  Well that was abrupt)

"Another bottle down; you should really try it sometime cause' it feels so good."
-Asking Alexandria "Another Bottle Down"

Oh Alcohol you can be so classy, but at the same time you can be a savage caveman. You make us do silly things, regretful things ("Oh shit I slept with THAT!?"), violent things (getting straight gangster on unsuspecting people who looked at your girlfriend or boyfriend), and at times you can depress the shit out of us. Our bodies are destroyed on a daily basis by the warm fuzzy feeling we get as we drink you in excess, but we don't care we love you anyway. We're all masochists here and you are the life (or death) of the party! Prohibition in the United States (1919) was an attempt to stop the consumption and production of you and your brothers and sisters, but was of course turned over in 1933. Why did that even take place? Because you can be a deadly mother fucker that's why.

Why do we drink?


(Tonight we're gettin' fucked up!!")

Oh boy, what a question...It's time to take the gloves off for this one. Social Validation, "Good Times," Escapism from Reality, and Depression. Yes my friends, I said it. You can't deny it and I'ma ride this all night long.

     "I would like to ascertain that the alcohol you are consuming good sir is fantastic and that you have excellent taste, so if I may have a sip to verify this I'd greatly appreciate it."

     The man takes a sip and holds his alcoholic beverage up to the light as if it was a gift of ambrosia from the Gods and takes a long look at the label. 

     "That is some good sheeyit."

Social Vali-what??

(The moment of truth.)

That point in time where our friends are all going out drinking; the person who consumes the most alcohol and can actually stand wins. "CHUG CHUG CHUG!" Yes sir. That is what's up. You are the god damn alpha and omega. The beginning of the drinking challenge and the end. Fuck those pussies and can't hang. OH and if you want to join in on the drunken theatrics for 15 seconds of infamy? You're also apart of this crew who drinks for the voice of social validation. "Hey guys I can do a keg stand, shotgun this beer, and take 3 shots in a row--am I cool yet?!"


Let the "Good Times Roll"

(Let the goooood tiimes rollllllll.)

To drink just to obtain that exhilaration of the party isn't exactly productive either. Everyone looks at you with "beer goggles"--sure, but is that really who you are? The cold hard representation of yourself? It most certainly is you at your core when your inhibitions are down completely--but at a certain point you are man or woman, you make fire--fire funny. Everything is funny and nobody gives a flying fuck. I must admit though, I am one funny drunk person, but then again who isn't? Oh wait, depressed drunks, but I'll get to that crap in a minute.

Escape from Asshole Island!

("I look up in the tree, amd there's the FUCKIN' KING OF THE JUNGLE! He was staring right at me! I almost shit my fuckin' pants!")

Hate your job? Hate the relationship you're stuck with because you have to live with that motherfucker and have a couple of love children with them? Hate people in general? Well I have a solution for you my friends. You don't have to try and escape to Timbuktu physically! You can get there mentally with enough alcohol to knock an elephant on its' ass though! Those plants and trees in the backyard? That's a jungle, there are lions and shit in there and you can pee wherever your heart desires because you are no longer you--you are in a jungle and on a mission. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise? Party pooper. They poop at parties.


It's always my party and I'll cry if I want to!

(I'll just leave this right here.)

The depressed drunk. These creatures excel in ugly cry faces, drama, and the art of being "Debbie Downers." Want to have a good time? Too fucking bad because Rebecca is upset over her last one-night-stand. Or maybe you're a sadistic son of a bitch and see Rebecca's insane antics as free entertainment? Either way, she loved Hank and you're going to know about every detail! "He said he loved me so we had sex and now I can't stop thinking about him!" Enter teary ugly cry face. Seriously Rebecca, go away you cray cray bitch.

     "Hahahahaha dude check Rebecca out, she's crying in her vomit."

     "Jesus Christ." 

He replied with a dull expression on his face. Almost as if to say "here we go AGAIN."

But I digress, there are troubling times in all of our lives and I know some days I say "fuck it" and crack open a bottle for reasons in my own mind that are "legitimate." Honestly though they never are. It's just something that helps me get through slews of bullshit in my own life, but does it really help? No. Alcohol itself is a depressant, so if anything it makes every situation worse than it was before.

Now I Shall Serenade you with song

(You guys look kind of silly and I hate your song for making me feel stuff.)

The Replacements "Here Comes A Regular"

Well, a person can work up a mean, mean thirst

After a hard day of nothin' much at all

Summer's passed, it's too late to cut the grass

There ain't much to rake anyway in the fall

And sometimes I just ain't in the mood

To take my place in back with the loudmouths

You're like a picture on the fridge that's never stocked with food

I used to live at home, now I stay at the house

And everybody wants to be special here

They call your name out loud and clear

Here comes a regular

Call out your name

Here comes a regular

Am I the only one here today?

Well, a drinkin' buddy that's bound to another town

Once the police made you go away

And even if you're in the arms of someone's baby now

I'll take a great big whiskey to you anyway

And everybody wants to be someone's here

Someone's gonna show up, never fear

'Cause here comes a regular

Call out your name

Yes, now here comes a regular

Am I the only one who feels ashamed?

Kneeling alongside old Sad Eyes

He says, "Opportunity knocks once, then the door slams shut"

All I know is I'm sick of everything that my money can buy

The fool who wastes his life, God rest his guts

First the lights, then the collar goes up and the wind begins to blow

Turn your back on a pay-you-back, last call

First the glass, then the leaves that pass, then comes the snow

Ain't much to rake anyway in the fall

What means that Brian?

(The morning hangover.)

"I won't fall down again; my heart's now dead and gone-- and I'm still breathing, I made it out alive."
-Asking Alexandria "Another Bottle Down"

A song about regret, drinking your problems away. Am I the only one here today? I'm stuck in the problems I've created over the years because the only way I got through anything was through alcohol. I'm sick of everything that my money can buy--the only thing I turn to is the bottle when shit really hits the fan and I'm sick of it. The more I do this, the more comfortable I become with the consumption, that's now how I handle everything else in my life. So I essentially feel ashamed, I'm the fool who wasted his life.  God rest my guts because I've fucked myself over. I never solved anything, never forgave myself.

The point is, don't become that person. As fun as it is, don't use this shit as an escape. It will fucking destroy you. I know many of us are guilty of it, I most certainly am--but it's time to grow the fuck up. If you're going to drink, drink for shits and giggles only--NEVER as an escape. As I previously mentioned, alcohol is a depressant--if you're generally happy it shouldn't have much of an effect (except sickness, a possible DUI, and lowered inhibitions possibly resulting in regret), but if you're escaping from everything...tread lightly because all of your problems are still there waiting to come out like your middle school art teacher.