"Wise Men Say Forgiveness Is Divine, But Never Pay Full Price For Late Pizza"
(If you remember this, your childhood wasn't awesome and you're at least in your 20s)
I'm looking out to a massive crowd of thousands of people. One out of every 3 of them will never be able to forgive some dickhead in their life. Or will they?...this is the internet--the stats I just threw out there are as fake as middle school puppy love (Statistics are silly anyway). Anyway, without throwing some stupid numbers at everyone, from my experience many turds cannot be reconciled with. It isn't just because they are horrible people, but....well reconciliation is difficult for the person stepping forward. Think of it as being the only non-white person stepping into a KKK meeting--it's awkward, you probably hate each other, and finding any reasonable thing to say is damn near impossible.
With that being said, there are a few questions you need to ask yourself. "Am I the bag of shit? Are they the bag of shit? Are we both piles of shit in the bag together?" Basically, who's the stubborn person in the situation? After one of these glorious questions have been answered it's time to ask yet another question--"Is it forgivable?" How does somebody even receive forgiveness without groveling like an ant begging for its' life as a demented child burns him alive with a magnifying glass? Oh you didn't know that ants grovel? They do.
Spin some wheels it's time to watch the blame game! Starring two angrily bitter people! These anus stains, or simply "Stainuses" as I like to call them, will continuously point the finger at the other person in a particular grudge without taking a look at the situation or what part they play. I'm sure that many of us have acted like a Stainus, but such a title can easily be cleaned up by admitting you are in the wrong. Before you can admit you're wrong, be prepared for a long drawn out argument as a rite of passage to have that submissive conversation in the first place. It'll take bribery, humbling yourself, and quite possibly some groveling of your own.
"I never want to see your horse mouth again!" Now...those were the final words you spoke to the person you're trying to reconcile with. Will they really want to talk to you? Fucking horse mouth? Really? Whatever the grudge, a lot of hurtful things will be said--needless to say a "civilized" conversation may only happen through a cage match. You'll need to fight it out with the other person to get to that point, and yes they'll probably draw first blood from you. Be prepared to get kicked in the genitals for all the nasty things you've said, but don't despair, you may get your friend or family member back through this masochistic ritual. The finale comes with some more humility--admitting you were the cause of conflict.
Admit you're wrong? Admit DEFEAT!? Oh yes, ye hath too much pride to admit such things don't ye Stainus? Unfortunately, this is the first step to reconciling with anybody. Swallow that pride like fire water on your ex wife/husband's anniversary--pride won't do you any good here. Instead of putting on a display of hate-fueled grandeur every time you encounter this person or come across their profile on a social network, remedy that stank with some personal face-to-face honesty. Letting a would-be loved one know that you took something a bit too far for 6 months too long sends the message of "I don't want a silly grudge with you anymore" and makes room for a chance to reconnect! This is a good thing, people generally like to stay away from long term grudges anyway--unless of course they are a drama hungry Stainus that needs some sort of vendetta to satisfy their boring unfulfilled life.
What if we are both a Stainus?
One person could admit to being wrong, sure, but will the other? It's a gamble. Depending on the ignorance and stubbornness of both parties, it's difficult to say. In this case i'll grant the higher chance of reconciling to the two Stainuses who can consume more alcohol together than the average person (Social scientists should study this).
(Alcohol abuse, also unforgivable.)
They killed your mother, framed you for murder, spiked your drink with some hallucinogenics that have perma-fried your brain, or they ruined your marriage through planting incriminatory irrefutable evidence leading to a blatantly obvious assumption of unfaithfulness. These are all examples of reasons you may not want to reconcile with a loved one--all understandable (paying full price for late pizza is among them).
What is forgivable? Try an exercise--list the pros and cons of whatever act was committed. If the cons outweigh the pros, try showing other people to see if the cons are real or all in your noggin.
Now then, a friend sleeping with the ex doesn't look THAT bad does it? Not to the point of hating a long time friend for life, but then again this is entirely subjective. Some people feel entitled to squatters rights after they've pissed on something even after it's long gone--MY territory! While others can look at the pros and cons and be rational about it. The rational ones are more likely to reconcile than the people who claim their ex as a dog would claim a fire hydrant.
Depending on the time a loved one hooked up with your ex also matters though doesn't it? Immediately after the break up would be VERY difficult to forgive. If it took place months after all was said and done, when you and the ex started seeing different people--it looks a bit more acceptable. Does this mean you have to accept it? It depends on how important your friend is to you. If you truly want your friend back though you'll have to take a look at your values and see if you can actually accept what they've done to you and move on from it.
What if you're on the opposite end? The one who slept with your friend's ex? The same thing applies. Accepting what you've done, forgiving yourself, and being able to come clean about it in the name of friendship and all that good stuff.
I speak like this scenario would only apply to friends, but it also happens with family. Without turning this into a Jerry Springer segment--family doing this kind of thing is just wrong. The end.
This whole "sleeping with ex" situation is just one example of something open to forgiveness. There are several more forgivable situations such as breaking promises, eating the last pizza roll, ordering a transgender prostitute for a friend, etc. Just list the pros and cons for each one and decide for yourselves like big boys and girls.
(Oh fuh.)
Well now that one of the two people have admitted the issues and went through the difficult journey of forgiveness, there's only one thing left--forgetting about the whole ordeal and continuing your relationship like nothing happened. As they say: it's better forgive and forget, than to remember and regret.
What you do with said loved one is up to you, I'm speaking vaguely and generally because I don't know shit about the life my readers lead. I mean...I don't know that you dance around in your underwear to Taylor Swift every night around 11:00PM, that you eat a banana before your morning work outs at 7:00AM, nor do I know that you have a unique birthmark in a very specific place that most people don't know exists. All creep talk aside, reconciling isn't easy, but it can be rewarding if there are still many positive feelings between a Stainus and their loved one.
"It Wasn't Me"
(Making accusations in unison.)
Spin some wheels it's time to watch the blame game! Starring two angrily bitter people! These anus stains, or simply "Stainuses" as I like to call them, will continuously point the finger at the other person in a particular grudge without taking a look at the situation or what part they play. I'm sure that many of us have acted like a Stainus, but such a title can easily be cleaned up by admitting you are in the wrong. Before you can admit you're wrong, be prepared for a long drawn out argument as a rite of passage to have that submissive conversation in the first place. It'll take bribery, humbling yourself, and quite possibly some groveling of your own.
"I never want to see your horse mouth again!" Now...those were the final words you spoke to the person you're trying to reconcile with. Will they really want to talk to you? Fucking horse mouth? Really? Whatever the grudge, a lot of hurtful things will be said--needless to say a "civilized" conversation may only happen through a cage match. You'll need to fight it out with the other person to get to that point, and yes they'll probably draw first blood from you. Be prepared to get kicked in the genitals for all the nasty things you've said, but don't despair, you may get your friend or family member back through this masochistic ritual. The finale comes with some more humility--admitting you were the cause of conflict.
Admit you're wrong? Admit DEFEAT!? Oh yes, ye hath too much pride to admit such things don't ye Stainus? Unfortunately, this is the first step to reconciling with anybody. Swallow that pride like fire water on your ex wife/husband's anniversary--pride won't do you any good here. Instead of putting on a display of hate-fueled grandeur every time you encounter this person or come across their profile on a social network, remedy that stank with some personal face-to-face honesty. Letting a would-be loved one know that you took something a bit too far for 6 months too long sends the message of "I don't want a silly grudge with you anymore" and makes room for a chance to reconnect! This is a good thing, people generally like to stay away from long term grudges anyway--unless of course they are a drama hungry Stainus that needs some sort of vendetta to satisfy their boring unfulfilled life.
What if we are both a Stainus?
One person could admit to being wrong, sure, but will the other? It's a gamble. Depending on the ignorance and stubbornness of both parties, it's difficult to say. In this case i'll grant the higher chance of reconciling to the two Stainuses who can consume more alcohol together than the average person (Social scientists should study this).
UNFORGIVABLE!
(Alcohol abuse, also unforgivable.)
They killed your mother, framed you for murder, spiked your drink with some hallucinogenics that have perma-fried your brain, or they ruined your marriage through planting incriminatory irrefutable evidence leading to a blatantly obvious assumption of unfaithfulness. These are all examples of reasons you may not want to reconcile with a loved one--all understandable (paying full price for late pizza is among them).
What is forgivable? Try an exercise--list the pros and cons of whatever act was committed. If the cons outweigh the pros, try showing other people to see if the cons are real or all in your noggin.
Now then, a friend sleeping with the ex doesn't look THAT bad does it? Not to the point of hating a long time friend for life, but then again this is entirely subjective. Some people feel entitled to squatters rights after they've pissed on something even after it's long gone--MY territory! While others can look at the pros and cons and be rational about it. The rational ones are more likely to reconcile than the people who claim their ex as a dog would claim a fire hydrant.
Depending on the time a loved one hooked up with your ex also matters though doesn't it? Immediately after the break up would be VERY difficult to forgive. If it took place months after all was said and done, when you and the ex started seeing different people--it looks a bit more acceptable. Does this mean you have to accept it? It depends on how important your friend is to you. If you truly want your friend back though you'll have to take a look at your values and see if you can actually accept what they've done to you and move on from it.
What if you're on the opposite end? The one who slept with your friend's ex? The same thing applies. Accepting what you've done, forgiving yourself, and being able to come clean about it in the name of friendship and all that good stuff.
I speak like this scenario would only apply to friends, but it also happens with family. Without turning this into a Jerry Springer segment--family doing this kind of thing is just wrong. The end.
This whole "sleeping with ex" situation is just one example of something open to forgiveness. There are several more forgivable situations such as breaking promises, eating the last pizza roll, ordering a transgender prostitute for a friend, etc. Just list the pros and cons for each one and decide for yourselves like big boys and girls.
What's Next?
Well now that one of the two people have admitted the issues and went through the difficult journey of forgiveness, there's only one thing left--forgetting about the whole ordeal and continuing your relationship like nothing happened. As they say: it's better forgive and forget, than to remember and regret.
What you do with said loved one is up to you, I'm speaking vaguely and generally because I don't know shit about the life my readers lead. I mean...I don't know that you dance around in your underwear to Taylor Swift every night around 11:00PM, that you eat a banana before your morning work outs at 7:00AM, nor do I know that you have a unique birthmark in a very specific place that most people don't know exists. All creep talk aside, reconciling isn't easy, but it can be rewarding if there are still many positive feelings between a Stainus and their loved one.
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