A Curious Dance
Some fucking mall in Southern California, mid-day
A man holding two shopping bags, wearing a pair of loosely fitted brown khakis, and a black T-shirt stopped near the entrance of a sunglasses store. Lilly, the store associate continuously glanced at this man with curiosity as he stood there for 84 seconds. On the 85th second he began wiggling his hips around, ending this strange dance routine by kicking out his right leg and shaking it. After his display of odd behavior, he exited the small stage he created into the crowds of fashionable shoppers.
"HE JUST SHIT!!!" A customer screamed as she ran inside the store and behind the counter looking at Lilly with utter shock.
"W-what?" Lilly said nervously, Am I being pranked on some kind of TV show, she thought as her animated brown eyes widened in disbelief.
The customer scrunched her nose of disgust as she pointed towards the steaming dark brown pile of feces contrasted by the white tiled floor where the man engaged the wiggle dance. "LOOK!"
Lilly glanced over the counter with her mouth gaping wide in shock from the sight of what the man had left there. Moments later the strong scent of human pie infected the entire store. "Oh god," Lilly said as she pinched her button nose, This is REAL! She thought.
"Yeah he actually shook THAT out of his pants!" The customer said as she pointed in horror at the filth on the floor.
"Okay, I'm going to call security over here to take care of this, wow this is so weird--have a good day, and thanks for um..pointing this out to me," Lilly said as she ran her hand through her very short sporty jet black hair, How am I going to explain this? She thought while shaking her head with her hand frustratingly placed upon her forehead.
"Alright, good luck with this...EWWW!" The customer squealed as she hastily tip-toed around the smelly hot mound on the floor.
Lilly pulled out the number for mall security from a drawer directly below the cash register, walked to the small backroom office and dialed the number on the business phone.
"Hello."
"Um...hi some guy...he uh...crapped on the floor."
"Excuse me? He did what?"
"He pooped on the floor like a dog that hasn't been potty trained!"
"...Okay give me a second...Hey Tim! You're not going to believe what the girl from the sunglasses store is telling me!...She said some guy just took a dump on the floor!...Yeah I know right!...Okay sorry Ms., did he fly off after it happened?" Both mall security guards could be heard laughing excessively through the muffled sounds of the telephone.
"Guys just get down here!"
Lilly's thin brows scrunched together and she frowned as she looked at the filth on the floor again. Nobody is going to believe me unless I do this, she thought as she took out her cell phone from a drawer under the cash register--she snapped a picture of the byproduct from the unthinkable event that had transpired. She noticed the security guard arriving with a janitor and his cart of cleaning supplies.
"Alright wh--"
"STOP! It's right there!!!" Lilly screamed as the Security guard's boot came within an inch of being soiled.
The security guard stood there in disbelief. "Oh wow, you were not kidding," the security guard said. "Alright, I'll go call this in, Phil will clean this up for you."
Lilly pulled out the number for mall security from a drawer directly below the cash register, walked to the small backroom office and dialed the number on the business phone.
"Hello."
"Um...hi some guy...he uh...crapped on the floor."
"Excuse me? He did what?"
"He pooped on the floor like a dog that hasn't been potty trained!"
"...Okay give me a second...Hey Tim! You're not going to believe what the girl from the sunglasses store is telling me!...She said some guy just took a dump on the floor!...Yeah I know right!...Okay sorry Ms., did he fly off after it happened?" Both mall security guards could be heard laughing excessively through the muffled sounds of the telephone.
"Guys just get down here!"
Lilly's thin brows scrunched together and she frowned as she looked at the filth on the floor again. Nobody is going to believe me unless I do this, she thought as she took out her cell phone from a drawer under the cash register--she snapped a picture of the byproduct from the unthinkable event that had transpired. She noticed the security guard arriving with a janitor and his cart of cleaning supplies.
"Alright wh--"
"STOP! It's right there!!!" Lilly screamed as the Security guard's boot came within an inch of being soiled.
The security guard stood there in disbelief. "Oh wow, you were not kidding," the security guard said. "Alright, I'll go call this in, Phil will clean this up for you."
"Thanks Phil, you wouldn't happen to have any incense in there would you?"
Sometime Later...
A man walks into the sunglasses store with his shy sister to purchase some sunglasses. He shows Lilly a picture from his cell phone of what he's looking for, she brings him pair of stylish polarized square frames.
"Are these fine?" Lilly asked.
"Oh yeah these are perfect!" The man replied.
"Ah...okay...let's see...," Lilly said as her face revealed a look of post trauma that an arachnophobic person would have if they saw a camel spider.
"Is something wrong?" He asked with a concerned tone in his voice.
"Oh no, it's just been a crazy day." Lilly said with a bright white smile.
The man turned to his sister with a curious look in his eyes, then turned back to Lilly, "Dare I ask, but what happened?"
Lilly relayed the entire story to the man and his sister. He shook his head in disbelief while smiling after the tale was told, and his silent sister couldn't stop laughing.
"Ya know...I still don't believe it," he said.
"I actually took a picture because I knew that NOBODY would believe me otherwise," Lilly said as she pulled her phone out of the drawer.
"Oh shit--literally, he shit right there," The man said while comparing the picture to the floor where the event took place. "Was he homeless or crazy?"
"No! He actually had shopping bags and looked completely normal!" Lilly said as her china doll face lit up with enthusiasm like a child surprised on Christmas.
"Wow. The word of the day is 'savage.'"
"I know right?! Savages!" Lilly said with a huge grin.
"Have you thought about posting that up online?"
"It's pretty gross, but yeah I thought about it hahaha."
"You should, y'know this could raise awareness for the wiggle-shake-a-leg poop dance."
"That is also true! Okay I'll post it right now!" Lilly said with a smirk as she uploaded the picture.
"The caption should be, 'Savages.'"
"Perfect."
Sometime Later...
A man walks into the sunglasses store with his shy sister to purchase some sunglasses. He shows Lilly a picture from his cell phone of what he's looking for, she brings him pair of stylish polarized square frames.
"Are these fine?" Lilly asked.
"Oh yeah these are perfect!" The man replied.
"Ah...okay...let's see...," Lilly said as her face revealed a look of post trauma that an arachnophobic person would have if they saw a camel spider.
"Is something wrong?" He asked with a concerned tone in his voice.
"Oh no, it's just been a crazy day." Lilly said with a bright white smile.
The man turned to his sister with a curious look in his eyes, then turned back to Lilly, "Dare I ask, but what happened?"
Lilly relayed the entire story to the man and his sister. He shook his head in disbelief while smiling after the tale was told, and his silent sister couldn't stop laughing.
"Ya know...I still don't believe it," he said.
"I actually took a picture because I knew that NOBODY would believe me otherwise," Lilly said as she pulled her phone out of the drawer.
"Oh shit--literally, he shit right there," The man said while comparing the picture to the floor where the event took place. "Was he homeless or crazy?"
"No! He actually had shopping bags and looked completely normal!" Lilly said as her china doll face lit up with enthusiasm like a child surprised on Christmas.
"Wow. The word of the day is 'savage.'"
"I know right?! Savages!" Lilly said with a huge grin.
"Have you thought about posting that up online?"
"It's pretty gross, but yeah I thought about it hahaha."
"You should, y'know this could raise awareness for the wiggle-shake-a-leg poop dance."
"That is also true! Okay I'll post it right now!" Lilly said with a smirk as she uploaded the picture.
"The caption should be, 'Savages.'"
"Perfect."
©
2013 Brian Baker
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