Brian Hates You All

Let The Shit Storm Commence

(Yeah it's kinda like that.)

So here's my new sunny disposition on life. Everyone is an asshole. It's just in our nature to be, we just can't help ourselves. We will eat each other to get ahead of the lunch line, then eat that horrible tasting mac and cheese too--because honestly, who gives a fuck? 

We live in a time where everything we do is quantified and monitored through the scrutiny of our friends and strangers on social media. Our fuck ups last a lifetime boys and girls. Hash tag "fucked." Things typically restricted to a circle of friends in a hangout spot are not restricted anymore at all. Word spreads like a wildfire. With any luck I'll never have a picture posted of of my ass looking like Miley Cyrus--that giraffe tongued pancake assed twerk machine. With that said, I've done a few things I'm not too proud of--and oh yeah it has been spread like peanut butter.

What am I ranting about? I am very flawed, very flawed indeed. There are people that will remind me of this, do they honestly think that I don't know? Idiots. Like many other people, I am definitely my own worst enemy--I destroy most things in my life that have meaning. Things that have no meaning? Oh I can master every meaningless thing you throw at me. Drinking? Oh yes. Video games? I will own dat ass. Calculus? Derivatives solved, bitch. Want an angry post? Here it is because, I, am definitely having a bad day folks. Oh and I do solemnly swear I am up to no good.

"Everyone Will Come To My Funeral To Make Sure That I Stay Dead."

(This guy again because fuck you)

This has to be my favorite quote these days from the Marilyn Manson track "4 Rusted Horses." I know I know, more Marilyn Manson Brian? Yes more, I've discovered a new love for his writing. This guy is a brilliant lyricist despite the "nu metal" instrumentals. Anyway, I have two different interpretations of it--it's a bit ambiguous. 

The first interpretation: People hate me, want to make sure that I am actually dead and placed 6 feet under. I like that one, it's totally how I feel about all these hateful pieces of shit I've called friends, enemies, family, and lovers. 

Interpretation dos: My favorite one, that honestly makes the most sense to me at the moment. A funeral that doesn't necessarily mean mortal death, but death of success in life. I'm at a low point in my life at the moment, and people are definitely checking on me at a distance. Am I dead? No, it's going to take more than this to kill me. When I rise like a Phoenix--which is happening as we speak--all of those people can fuck themselves. I have a few "ride or die" people I'm taking with me, the rest? Those corpse kickers? Peace out girl scouts!

The Numbness Of Regret--Cry Some Rivers, Then Go For A Swim; Don't Forget Your Floaties

(Even though you're wasting air right now, don't drown!)

For all my flaws and the mistakes I've made I should probably punish myself,  but with what? Should I hire a dominatrix to scratch my chest and electrocute me with a car battery? Well the way people typically do this is with a little thing called regret. Do I have regrets? Absolutely not. People cannot ever make me feel like I should regret anything, especially if they're not in my life anymore or have never been "real" to begin with. Real motherfucker roll call! Are you a real motherfucker? No? Taking up my time? At that point I definitely won't regret being an asshole to you for wasting it--why? Because you're being highly unpleasant and deserve it sir.

Okay so...actually to be honest I do have some regrets. Like those Del Taco fries I couldn't finish eating today, or that sandwich I really wanted, but was too damn lazy to make it. I know, life is so sad. Woe is me. :(

Honestly though, regrets are cancerous little things. Shaving away at whatever heart or soul you might have, well maybe you don't have those things, but that doesn't mean you can't try to fake it. Fake it til' you make it kiddo, but the truth is--your ass probably needs religion. If I were promoting the most popular religion in the United States, I'd say "Ya'll muthafuckas need Jesus!" Okay, fuck, I lost track of where I was going with this--OH YEAH regrets. Here's a quote that I think sums it up perfectly. 

"Living in the past helps me get further in life."

-No One Ever

I'm Such A Nice Guy, You Know I Honestly Think I'm Just A People Person, I Love Everyone. Gosh Life Is Just Grand!

(Quinton is kind of like this--no, no he is not.)

I have a devil in me, his name is Quinton. Please don't bring him out. I have a lot of heart, but gosh dangit Bobby I can be brutally honest with Quinton by my side. There are several people I know who are like this. Some hotty sweet thang I used to know was definitely like this. Sweetest little girl in the world--until you rubbed that magic lamp the wrong way. Those three wishes instantly turn into "I wish I didn't say shit." Oh I talk about no regrets, but I would regret and rue that day I ever pissed her off. She goes Exorcist on people. Her head spins around, she vomits pea soup, oh it's a fun time!

My devil? Oh I've only seen him...twice? It was not pleasant. And somehow, my scrawny ass scared away a certain someone who was much bigger than me. I black out, my eyes fill with fire, and it's game on bitches. Damn, I have issues--but apparently this shit is hereditary. Thank you Baker genes. 99.9% of the time I'm as intimidating as an ankle biting chihuahua. So sad.

Some Personal Stuff

(Only on Thursdays)

Why so serious Brian? Why so off your rocker today? WELL without sounding like a whiny soul sucker, I've had several events occur in rapid succession this past summer. What's that saying? When it rains it pours? Yeah it's kind of like that. We all have our problems sure, but I'm sure many of you know exactly what it's like to have one fucking thing occur after another--oh and never EVER ask if it can "get any worse than this," because I bet your ass that things will get significantly worse moments after those words are spoken.

Want some details about the events that have occurred? Well I'm going to be a cock tease and just leave it at this. There's no need to shower others with my negative bullshit. I've said this numerous times, but it still holds true. We are ALL responsible for our OWN happiness. Nobody else. Sure I'll ask advice on some ridiculous situations from friends, but I won't become overbearing with my crap.  It's not their responsibility, it's mine and mine alone.

A Few More Words

(Yeah, this is all I've got today.)

I am flawed, yes. Maybe I deserve all of the stuff that's happening to me right now. But you know something? That's not important, it's never important in the ever changing waves of this thing we call life. The most important question for myself or anyone is: "what are you going to do about it?" The answer is simple. I will deal with everything one day at a time. Establish myself--find as many productive outlets as possible. Give nothing, take everything that I can. The most dangerous person is a beast that is born from the heart. That's exactly what I am, and before all is said and done I will accomplish everything I've set out to do. Si se puede, bitch (Don't know what I just said? That's what google is for). There isn't any time to mope or feel sorry for myself. It's counterproductive and unhealthy, and women find it unattractive. No, no, no--I'm taking it all. 

As "ranty" as this post was I hope that some of you found it to be somewhat insightful. The way I deal with my rage is probably way more different than most, but I find that this is what works for me. One thing is for sure, struggles are the best method for finding out what you're made of. I see all of this as some kind of messed up blessing. If none of these events occurred, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Thanks assholes. :)

"You can't take this from me. Forbidden in heaven, and useless in hell."

-Marilyn Manson "4 Rusted Horses"